Just Two Words on a Sweatshirt

Picture it… Oregon, 2022 (look at me… trying to be Sophia Petrillo). If you don’t know that reference… go watch The Golden Girls immediately.

I had landed in Portland, eager to start my solo trip where I could just roam around and check out the sites that I had wanted to see and then enjoy a coastal drive, listening to some tunes, windows down, & wind in my hair. The first morning I had woken up and got out on the road around 6AM because I wanted to go see Multnomah Falls before the crowds started showing up around 8AM. Once I got on the highway, headed towards the Colombia River Gorge - the sun was just peaking up from behind the ridge. It was a beautiful morning and the scenery was just stunning. I remember the feeling I had that morning… the feeling of freedom. Freedom to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted to do it. I didn’t have to answer to anyone else or get anyone else’s opinions on what they wanted to do. I didn’t have to live and compromise for anyone… I could do what I wanted.

That may sound selfish, but when you have lived all your life being a people pleaser, it was a much needed break. As people will say, “how can you fill up someone else’s cup when yours is empty?” It’s the truth! But so many of us just put other people’s needs before our own. We give and give and give… then we get burnt out. We crash and will either lash out at others and affect personal or professional relationships, hold grudges against those we’re taking care of, or we just give up and figure - we’ll this is my life now and live 100% for the other people in our lives.

I cannot stress this enough - TAKE TIME FOR YOU, ALWAYS. There is nothing wrong with helping others. It’s actually one of the kindest, sweetest and greatest gifts we all can provide each other. But it does not have to come at a cost of forsaking your own individual wellness.

Now - it’s easy to spout all of this, but it’s another thing to live it. And live it - each and every single day. I had lost sight of myself for a long time. If people would ask me, tell me about yourself - it’s a question I would dread answering. I’d reply with what it is I do for a living, where I live, I have cats, and I’m married. I knew I wasn’t really answering the question… who are you? The answer was - I don’t know anymore. I met my husband when I was very early in my twenties. I was recently out, hardly dated and then boom - met this guy and we went hard and heavy, real fast. By the end of 2011 - we were living together and by the end of the following year - we had gotten our own place. Fast forward twelve years - we both have grown a lot. Life happens and it changes you. Sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. Unfortunately we grew apart.

In the last few years - I was fighting to keep the marriage going, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. I was fighting for something that was over and had to come to terms with the life that I thought I was going to have with this person, was no longer going to happen. It forced me to look at my life and realize - “you’re life is going to change… you are going to be single… what is it, that you want for your life?” It essentially was an option to hit RESET on life.

The reason I had traveled to Oregon solo was because I needed a break from everything and everyone. I needed time for me. It was a trip meant to reconnect with myself and to figure out, what do I want for my life. I wanted to fall back in love with my passions of travel and photography. To go on an adventure and explore new sights and learn knew things. Going for a drive that first morning - feeling that freedom, I knew this was exactly what I needed. I was where I needed to be at the time I needed to be there.

One morning - I had stopped at beautiful Cannon Beach. While there - checking out Haystack Rock, walking the beach, and having some fish & chips. I happened to walk into this cute shop where I saw a sweatshirt that had sayings about the PNW (Pacific Northwest), but it also had the phrase that changed my life… “Always Onward”. I stopped dead in my tracks because those two words resonated with me. They hit this core belief I had, but was having a hard time putting words to. That everything I had gone through in my life was a learning lesson and that through all of it - I’m still moving forward because that is the only way to truly live a well balanced & fulfilled life. I’m changed & molded by my past, but I’m not living in it. All to often people get stuck in the past and have a hard time snapping out of it.

Once I left that shop with my new sweatshirt, I felt like something finally clicked. It may sound odd, like “it’s just two words on a sweatshirt” but those two words gave me a sense of who I am and a purpose. It forced me to reflect back on my life to see just how far I’ve come. That through everything, I’m here. I made it to today. And not only did it make me look back, but it also helped me to look forward. To ask hard questions of myself,

• “What are your core moral principles?”

• “What do you find true joy in?”

• “How are you going to set up healthy boundaries and start taking care of yourself first?”

• “What dreams do you have?”

• “What is the life you envision for yourself and what do you have to do to get there?”

• “Are you ready to make those changes which means that some people may not be in your life?”

• “You are headed into the unknown and you have a fear of the unknown. Are you ready to put yourself out there and try new things and have new experiences?”

The answers to these questions are ever evolving for me. I’ve certainly made some changes over the years that have improved my quality of life. When people ask me, who are you… I don’t just list facts about myself like this is a job application. I’ve started to talk more about things I’m passionate about, my hobbies, things I’ve gone through, but grew from. Opening myself up to others has shown me that we are all more similar than we are different. We’re all on this onward journey together and it’s my goal to continue sharing personal insights I acquire along the way. Building a community with other like minded individuals that have a passion about improving their own personal well-being through reflective story telling. Creating a life where several aspects of our overall self falls into balance.

In the past - when people would ask, “What’s your obsession with this phrase?” I had a hard time explaining it and putting it into words because to me - it’s been this feeling. This way of life that I had a hard time explaining. But now that I’ve been able to actually live my life by it and refer to it when making tough decisions, it’s made it much easier to communicate.

“Always Onward” is a philosophy… a daily mantra. It is a way of living your life that focuses on continual progress and self-improvement by developing a deeper understanding of overall personal wellness and how everything is all connected. Living the ”Onward” way means, learning from the past, being present in the moment, and working towards a better future. It’s about being resilient and having personal growth and that the idea of life is a constant journey moving forward we must all embrace.

Are you ready?