The Way Forward Is Rarely Alone

The desire for human connection… it's one of the most common threads that binds us all together. We all have this innate desire to be with other people - family, friends, partners, lovers, colleagues - whatever the connection, we need each other. Because collectively we fulfill a core human need of belonging. To feel seen, valued, appreciated, loved, and connected to something larger than one's self - a community.

Being social comes in many different forms and there is no one best way to describe it. So it's important you do what's best for you, but I'd encourage anyone reading this to venture outside your comfort zone every once in a while because you'd be surprised what you may find out about yourself and the connections you may make along the way.

Social wellness is not just about being social and garnering as many connections as possible, growing follower counts on social media, or being popular. It's about having social connections with others that are intentional. Sure, there are going to be people that come and go in your life. But they'll be a select few that you grow closer to and form deeper bonds with. These connections are the ones you want to strengthen because they see you, for you. They'll challenge you to become better, listen without any judgement, provide guidance and stability all while being your biggest supporter and cheerleader. By having the strong social connections in your life, this will only help you to move forward with clarity, confidence & courage.

Social connections can also be the stability you need to get through challenging times when you feel like you're lost. When going through my marital breakup, I was losing my best friend. That loss was huge for me because I put everything into that connection. However I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason at the exact moment they're supposed to.

At work, we had this new hire start that was actually going to be taking over support of someone I was temporarily assisting. As Meredith and I started working together, we just clicked. It felt right… like this connection to someone I felt like I had known for so much longer. A missing piece to my overall puzzle. We started to have deeper and more personal conversations about such a wide array of topics. I felt myself opening up again and started to feel like I could be myself. My goofy side was coming out to play again. I still remember the day I told her about my marital issues like it was yesterday. Opening up about such a personal topic to anyone was totally outside of my comfort zone. But through this connection I had formed with Meredith and her insight that she's garnered over the years with her own experiences, helped to guide me through some of the most difficult moments I had yet to face.

Meredith and I have a connection where we feel free to be each others true selves. To share thoughts and feelings together without judgement, but a safe space where we can challenge each other to maybe look at something from a different perspective. Or to dig deeper as to why each other may be feeling something. Sometimes we've given each other moments of realization like when Meredith told me that I will be fine to move out on my own and that it's not as bad as I'm thinking it's going to be. That financially you're more stable than you realize and that you will make it work because you want and need this. Or when I inspired her to take her own first solo trip that she loved. This meaningful social connection I have with Meredith is one of the healthiest relationships I have ever had and I'm sure as the days, weeks, months, and years go on - we'll continue to evolve. They'll be changes as we'll each get into our own romantic relationships at some point, but the foundation of our connection is there.

Towards the end of 2024, I was having a real hard time personally. Everything I had gone through over the last number of years seemed to have caught up with me all at once. After closing on the sale of my house, I had felt a weight lifted. But little did I know that another huge weight would be dropped on my shoulders when the emotional toll of everything hit. It honestly took me by surprise. All of these thoughts and feelings just came flooding in all at the same time. It was this dense fog that I was having the hardest time seeing through. In the past I've felt depressed, but this was a new level. To the point where I really had an extremely hard time getting out of bed. I had this internal shaking feeling that I didn't know how to control. All I wanted was for it to stop, but I didn't know how. "What is wrong with me?!" I thought. Surely there's a pill I could take to make it all stop and go away.

I remember it was one morning in December, I dragged myself out of bed and just stood in my bathroom looking at myself. It was at that moment I said, 'I need to talk to Meredith'. As I got into the office, I put my bag down and just looked at her. I didn't say anything, but she could feel me looking at her. She did a double take and was like, 'can I help you?' with this little giggle in her voice. I said, 'can we go for a walk now?' We then spent the next 2-3 hours talking. I opened up to her about these thoughts I had been having and how I was feeling. This intense sadness, loneliness, feeling lost and not finding joy in things anymore. And not knowing if I'll ever find joy again. This feeling of not knowing who I was anymore. By opening up about my thoughts and feelings - it allowed me to get them out instead of spiraling in my head. And she helped me to realize these thoughts are normal. I was in a relationship for a long time and that I'm rediscovering myself. This is part of the journey and that I will find joy again. Just gotta keep moving onward. By the end of our chat, we were laughing which felt so good. We had joked with each other and said, if only she was a man or if only I were straight - we'd be the perfect couple!

I had also reached out to my therapist and said I needed to chat. It had been eight months since my last session with her. Clearly I was overdue. I shared with her my thoughts and feelings and about finding joy again. I had told her that I struggle to find joy in daily life and she said, focus on the basics of things you do enjoy. From that, joy will come again. I told her I didn't know what the basics were and what she was talking about. She tried to get me to answer it, but honestly I was tired of guessing and trying to figure it out. So I asked her, "can you just tell me?" She said - relationships & social interaction. My initial thought, 'really?' I always thought of myself as someone that kept to themselves. But the more I thought about it, she was right. I do enjoy being with other people. People that I love creating memories & having fun moments with. She challenged me to lean into this and see what happens.

It started around the holidays in 2024 when I opened up to my family about my mental health struggles. This is something I had never done before. To share this with my sister & my Mom was out of the norm for me. But here I am sharing some of the struggles I had. And at that time, I was also coming to terms with the fact that I had been in a co-dependent relationship which affected my self-identity. That I was starting the journey to self-discovery again and that the path to discovering myself again was going to involve getting closer to my family and developing deeper relationships with friends.

Over 2025 - it truly was one of the best years I have had in a long time. All because I had leaned into this social wellness element of my overall wellbeing. It has affected me so positively where I was able to have different experiences and the opportunity to meet new people and create some wonderful memories.

Meredith, her sister Jenn & I actually went on two vacations together. I had never traveled with close friends before on my own. I had traveled with friends and my ex before which was a fun time, but to just have it be a friend trip - it was great! We had gone to the UK, drove around the Cotswold's, visited the Harry Potter Studio, Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey), Stonehenge, toured London and got to even see the King by sheer accident! We also ventured down to South Carolina to enjoy the beaches and check out some southern charm & hospitality in Charleston. We created lots of memories together, shared a lot of laughs and peaceful moments. We got to connect to each other on deeper level and I'm just grateful for the experience.

I've already shared in another post about how pickleball has been such a wonderful addition to my life. But the first time I had played was with my buddy Kent. Kent & I met about 18 years ago (at the time of this posting) back when he was in college. I met him through a mutual friend of ours that was going to the same school. We had hung out a few times back then, but then life happens and we both went on different paths. Come to find out that we both work for the same company on the same campus all these years later. We even started there about a month apart. We've been able to reconnect and now I get to spend time with him, his wonderful wife Casey and their adorable son. I was invited over for dinner one night and as we were talking, Casey asked me if I plan to have kids of my own one day. I told her that the plan with my ex was that yes, we were going to have kids. Likely to adopt because so many kids need homes. But now, I'm thinking I have to come to terms with the fact that I may not have kids. Because it's not something I want to do on my own and would like to have a partner. But to get there - it's going to take years plus the whole adoption process. I could be well into my mid-40's by then and I'm not sure I will want to. I'm not closing the door to it, but I just need to be realistic. Kent & Casey both said to me, that I'm welcome anytime to spend time with them & their son. They've even started to call me Uncle T which just warms my heart so much. We've gotten to hang out and go to the zoo, family outings, Halloween parades and parties and yes - play pickleball. They're just really amazing people that I'm grateful are in my life. The deeper development of this relationship has meant a lot to me. We all just relate so much to each other and when we are together, it's just mindful and intentional. We're focused on each other and being present in the moment which is just so refreshing. In a world where everyone (kids included) are glued to their phones updating social media, posting pictures, status updates, and playing games… when we're together, phones are usually away and not being checked unless something comes up. We're talking, sharing stories, or laughing. Casey had told me that she feels as though we've known each other for so much longer. I said I had felt the same way and that I've loved getting to spend time with them and the memories we're getting to create together. One night as I was leaving their house, I had shared with Kent how much I appreciate him & Casey including me in the family outing at the zoo and he had told me that he was thrilled to have me join. That in his eyes, I'm apart of his family.

I'm just really grateful to all the friends that I have and the memories we've had over the years. I wish I could list everyone in this post, but it would honestly be a novel. I truly appreciate how my friends have included me in their lives and their families. My friends Sam & Murray have always kept their door open and I really appreciate that. From all their help with the selling of my house, to going to festivals, having dinners, and holiday parties. In 2025, they invited me out to dinner on Valentine's Day. That night was just such an unexpected surprise. We had a fabulous dinner and then bar hopped. As we made our way to the last place, it turns out there was a drag show charity event going on. We had such a blast hanging out there and the cherry on top was the fact I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in years, Tyler. It was so nice to be able to catch up with him and see him. Through that conversation, he had shared with me about a gay Tea Dance party that happens in town and invited me to join him. In the coming weeks, I took him up on his offer and went out. Now, this was VERY outside of my comfort zone. I've gone out to places with my ex or friends all the time. But this time, I was alone. Yes, granted, I was meeting Tyler there. But he's just one person and I'm sure he's got lots of friends he'll be hanging out with. And that it'll just be me, alone at some point. But onward I went. My stomach was in knots as I drove there. Had to have a little pep talk with myself in the car and say, 'look, if you want to leave - you have your keys and your car. You're not stuck here - you can leave at anytime you want if you're not having fun.' I then took a deep breath and went in. Tyler introduced me to so many people that night. After the introductions, we then started to dance and I started to feel comfortable. I did notice quite a number of guys looking at me like, 'fresh meat' but I tried to pay no mind. I was there for me and to prove to myself that I could do it. And ya know what - I did. I had such a great time with Tyler and his friends that night. I stayed till it ended and then we went to a bar to hang out afterwards. It was a great experience. I ended up going to future Tea Dance parties and brought my friends Sam & Murray with me. In the future, I'll continue to go out to different events and such. But it was just this hurdle I needed to conquer first. Thanks to Sam, Murray and Tyler - they helped me to get out there again.

I've also had some wonderful memories with my siblings this year. My sister and I have been able to spend more time together since she's moved closer. We've gotten to hang out around town, go out to dinner, attend some festivals & concerts, and have really great conversations. My brother, sister in law, niece, and I also got to march in World Pride 2025 in DC with PFLAG. It was an awesome experience to be able to march down Pennsylvania Ave. being cheered on by thousands of attendees that support LGBTQIA+ rights. Creating these memories with my siblings are moments I'll remember for the rest of my life.

For my solo trip this year, it wasn't a spa getaway or a cottage at a lake where I was able to disconnect. I actually booked a cruise vacation as a solo traveler. It wasn't a solo charter cruise, just a regular cruise, but they had events catered to solo sailors. I went on Virgin Voyages, Scarlett Lady's cruise to Cozumel & the Bahamas from Miami. I was a bit nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I did have a thought that instead of me joining the solo traveler meet up the first & second day, I'm just going to go do my own thing. But then I said, no - I'm here to meet other people. Let me go to it. What's the worst thing that would happen? All these people are solo travelers and in the same boat as me (literally).

The first solo traveler meet up was good. Met some nice people, but it was a little challenging to hear what folks were saying with all the music and stuff going on. But the following day when we had our morning meet up. I met a guy that wanted to play Pickleball. His name was Bart and we went up to the court on the top deck. Once there - we met other folks that were playing and we all had a great time. Which in and of itself - me playing a sport with people that were definitely more skilled than I was, but gave it my best effort is saying something for how far I've come and grown. Afterwards - I met up with Nik who I also met at the meet up to play Ticket to Ride. That's when I met Robert, Tom & Isaiah. We had a great time playing and we all just clicked. Then our group grew to include Amanda for dinner that night. Throughout the rest of the trip - we all hung out with each other at different times. We shared some great memories like chilling in the hot tub under the stars listening to music, dancing in the club, having midnight pizza, attending shows, meals, pool parties, playing games and crushing the seahorse race taking home top prize (at least Nik did, but the solo crew was cheering her on). It was honestly one of the best trips I had ever been on because of the relationships we all formed with each other. From all over the country, we came together at this moment in time and have such wonderful memories that we'll all carry for the rest of our lives. It was also such a growing moment for me because again, I went outside of my comfort zone to try something new & different I had not done before. And while my nerves wanted to get the better of me, I persevered.

With all these social experiences - whether that's going on a trip with friends, playing a sport I had never done before, going to parties, dinners, or meeting new people on a solo trip - I always suffer from intense anxiety that affects me physically. My stomach reacts to nerves in such an intense way that usually makes me second guess my decision on whether I should do that activity. I do breathing exercises and self-talk to help calm me down and reassure myself. What I find is that every time I push through - I'm left with this overwhelming sense of gratitude to myself that I didn't cancel. That I had the experience with my friends & family because it's all about the connection. The connection with others is truly what drives me and gives me joy.

This last year has taught me that I can't rebuild my life all on my own. To move forward and create new experiences and memories requires the social connection. It requires a community of people that truly want the best for you and will be cheering you on… guiding you… coaching you. And the wonderful thing about that is, it's not just one person that benefits, it's reciprocal. Because when you develop these deeper connections with others, you're opening yourself up. Vulnerability is something that helps build trust, safety and empathy. When we can be honest with others, this opens up the relationship where the other person can say, 'I see you and I sometimes feel that way too.' You then don't feel alone in your thoughts and emotions. It can kind of feel like a relief to know that what you're feeling is okay because other people have experienced it too. Friends and family can then provide advice or feedback that may offer you some clarity on how to handle situations. If you're doubting yourself, they can build you up and provide encouragement and help to boost your confidence. Opening up allows relationships to move forward. Connection doesn't stagnate when we're honest & vulnerable - it matures.

Being an adult it's often said it's difficult to make friends because as adults, we may be more guarded. Whereas when you're a toddler, you can just go up to another kid and play a game with them. Well maybe not all the time as it'll depend on the kid, but for the most part. It's like that fear of rejection & judgement isn't there. There's an innocence to it. It's that innate desire of human connection. Personal growth is not a solo journey. From being a kid to a senior citizen, we're all on this path of personal growth. It's a shared goal that we all have. We're all striving to become better versions of ourselves. When we can stop and take a moment to realize that, I feel as though we can let that guard down and become vulnerable. We can understand that we all innately want the same thing… connection. I know it's easier said than done because that tiny voice in your head that you think is massive and overbearing bears down on you and tells you to keep quiet, don't go out tonight, don't speak up, you're not good enough, what happens if they don't like you. I'm here to tell you that it's not that big and strong. It's scared and it's fighting to survive. Don't let it win! Believe in yourself that you have a voice & should be heard, go and have fun & dance the night away, you are worthy of that promotion or being in a healthy relationship, and that it's okay if not everyone likes you. Not everyone will and those that don't are missing out because you're pretty fucking great. Push yourself outside your comfort zone for personal growth. Do a solo trip like a cruise that has solo events, join a sport league as a beginner and meet new people, ask a friend you haven't spoken to in a long time out to lunch or dinner, do a life enrichment class like pottery making or something you find interest in as a solo attendee, attend a concert or lecture and chat with the people around you. You'll be surprised at the connections you'll create and you never know where that may lead. Don't let the fear hold you back - harness your inner toddler and just go do it.

The People Who Made It Meaningfull